Rainy day Tuesdays and a book

By Jennifer

First off, although this post will be read after 9/11 passes, I want to take a moment to acknowledge it. Oh, IT... I once had a boss who was so confounded by something a source did that he couldn't accept it. I said, "It is what it is," since I'd given up trying to make sense of the situation. My boss replied, "But what is its is-ness?" He was serious. I thought it was funny. But I guess I kind of feel that way about 9/11. Minus the funny part. Really minus. I watched it all happen from my office window, the planes, the fireball, the collapses. I'll not say much more about that, I'm already worrying about the day when my son asks me where I was that day. It's nothing like when I asked my dad about the moon landing. I know this is odd, but I always feel a sense of relief when the anniversary of 9/11 is a rainy day. It feels safer.

This entry is really about a book. A book I loved until the last chapter. Hold your sighs, it was a book about a working mom. Ugh. So I bet you know why I hated the last chapter. Of course you do. How do most books about working moms (especially the fictional ones) end? You guessed it. Successful working mom has an epiphany. Successful working mom realizes she's neglected her kids and sees the error of her ways. Successful working mom quits job and moves to the country to bake brownies and retire fancy suits and expensive shoes. It makes me want to scream.

Of course, this mom, the fictional Kate Reddy of the book I Don't Know How She Does It has an uber-demanding finance job that sends her flying across the globe with a day of notice. (I realize I'm terribly late to the party since this book has been out for years. I, ummm, don't have a ton of time for books.) My point...WHY? Why does the working mom always quit in the end or dream of quitting or build their life around the day they can quit?

Where is the successful working mom prototype of my world? The one that doesn't want to quit? The one that's going after the next big job or promotion--but also figuring out ways to make it work for her at home, too? I want to read that book. Another working mom I know explains if I feel so strongly, I should write the book. I could make her the subject. She's the working mom who quit because she always dreamed of staying home, went absolutely crazy and turned mushy-brained, went back to work to save her sanity and became a better mom to boot.

This got me thinking, who are our role models? We have each other, at least in writing. The woman who just came back from a maternity leave at my office--the one who cried the morning she handed her 3-month-old son over to the nanny and who spent 45-minutes pumping only to realize she hadn't produced a bottle's worth of milk--was someone I barely knew before she left. Now I find myself trying to ease her fears and telling her it gets better. Am I her role model? Maybe I am for a while. Day one of her return she found comfort in my reassurance and "early" exit at 5:30. She's not alone, even if I'm just someone from down the hall. Over time, I've sort of made my own way, I guess, with few role models. Thank goodness I don't rely on those stupid books I read every year or two!

Who are your successful working mom role models? And why?

Comments

[Jane]

psssst. Jennifer. Finish I Don't Know How She Does It. She DOES go back to work, on her own terms. If I recall correctly, Kate starts her own business. It's a prowworking mother story, with a realistic ending. You can't deny: certain workplaces are fundamentally incompatible with work/life balance. If we can't recognize the problem, then how are we ever going to effect change? If you want some encouraging news check this out: http://toocoolforschoolonline.blogspot.com/2007/09/california-proposes-bold-worklife.html

I blogged about a legislative pro

[Manic Mom]

I work from home, very part-time. But when I had my first baby, I went back to work full-time, loved it, needed it, etc. Three kids later, things shifted...

Not my story here though...

I think it's great that you are helping the new mom get into the routine of being a happy working mom! She'll need you and it'll be great for her to not feel the anxiety, etc, and to know she's a good mom.

I didn't read that book. I had no interest because I heard someone once say of that book, "What do you mean she they don't know how she does it... the nanny was doing it."

And yeah, sounds like it was a rip-off ending!
Thanks for the review, and I'll be checking out more of this blog--glad I found it!

[Manic Mommy]

Oh, did you read THE OTHER MOTHER? I blogged about it here:
http://manicmommy.blogspot.com/2007/08/are-you-other-mother.html

You might really like this book!

[Joy]

I'm going to have to check out that book. As luck would have it, I've run out of things to read and I will need a break between study reading believe you me! But back to the point of the epiphany, I recently had an epiphany - I hate my work. I love working, but really hate what I do, so I am switching careers. I've decided to stop working while I switch careers and go to school because I'm burnt out. Working hard at something you don't buy it or enjoy takes a lot out of you and I've been working for ten years at this firm. I want some me time, some serious mommy time with my children and some serious husband time with my husband. I think my family can feel my lack of drive and I need to re-charge. I feel like a cop-out, but I am really looking forward to the downtime. I am looking forward to working in a new job that will give me more flexible time at home with my family and still challenge me everyday.

[Claire]

Can I recommend, out of personal interest of course, a book called 'Rainy Days and Tuesdays' (see what I did there) about a working mum.
I did actually write it, but still don't let that put you off.
It's available from Poolbeg Press and tells the story of a mum who feels torn between work and home and wants her love of her job (and her child) to come back.