Work It: a blog for Working Moms

Ode to Blankie

Oh Blankie, Oh Blankie, once so white and so clean.
A decoration at first, I knew not what you'd mean.
You came from my shower, a gift out of many.
Why this blanket? I asked--it could have been any.

Oh Blankie, my dear, once so soft and so bright.
As companions we've stayed up on so many a' night.
To the child, you're a need, a comfort, a friend.
He was warm and so safe 'til he was well on the mend.

Blankie, Sweet Blankie, no longer perfect or posh.
You spend so much time on the floor and the wash.
Now the world will not know all the things you have seen.
Both the happy and sad and the times in between.

Now many have asked, when will I send you away?
The truth, little one, is I beg you to stay.
I fear the day when he leaves you behind.
I will keep you always in my heart and my mind.

It's a wonder to think that it might have been naught.
Just a blanket or rag--packed away as I ought.
But you rose to much more, can't you tell, don't you see?
You are quite simply, true family.

PC SUV

By Coletta

In this increasingly PC climate I have to admit that I have a raging prejudice.  I hate--I mean DESPISE women who drive SUV's.

Last week I got rear-ended at a stop light. The damage to my car was very minimal (a nick the size of a pencil eraser). But I'm very ticked off. The vehicle that hit me was a SUV (I drive a Prius) and it was driven by a woman (probably a working mom) and when she (insert derogatory term here) hit me she didn't even get out of her car to see if I/my car/her car was alright.

Now ladies...let's be real. We spend great amounts of energy trying to get back in to our pre-maternity clothes, we complain endlessly about the 1/2 size our feet grew after child birth, we won't even try on the shirt that's one size too big in the department store but we are driving these huge SUV's and minivans that are three sizes too big for us. Yes, I include myself in the 'we'. My other car is a Honda Pilot.  And yes, I have had an accident in it - two accidents in one week in fact.  I had not one accident in my Honda Civic that I drove for 7 years.  C'mon ladies, let's admit it! SUV's are too big for us, we can't drive them as well as other cars. We can't park them in those skinny parking spaces at Panera Bread, we can't tell if there's a small car in the highway lane to the left of us when we merge lanes, and even if we have one of those fancy back-up cameras, we still can't see the small child walking to their car behind us in the pre-school parking lot. Do you know HOW we know these cars are too big for us?  Because our husbands don't let us drive them on the weekends to family outings. And when they do, our husbands cringe while we're changing lanes and suggest that we go in to the zoo first with the kids while they park the car. Before you cry equal rights to me--I will say that I believe that smaller men should be discouraged from driving very large trucks as well.

A motorcycle driver needs a special license to drive his vehicle, a truck driver needs special training to drive a Mack truck and here we are a nation of women driving cars meant for men and claiming that it's necessary because we have so much stuff.  I call bull! I'm a mom, the strollers fit in the back of the Prius along with groceries, a computer keyboard, a tricycle and a birdhouse (in case you were wondering)!  Gas is expensive people, filling up a Navigator must cost a hundred bucks. So why  are we paying more money to tote our precious children in a car that we can't drive correctly because they weren't built for us? Another excuse, we have to have a vehicle that gives us the ablility to drive our children's friends around. The parents of your child's friends have seen you park at soccer practice and TRUST ME, they don't want you to drive their kid anywhere! Final excuse to defend SUVs if the driver DOES have an accident, she is 'safer' if she is in a big cushy SUV. Well you've got me there. You are absolutely right you've just crashed the giant vehicle, that you couldn't physically turn the steering wheel of without electrical engineering, into another person...gee..I'm so relieved that YOU are safe.  I just wonder if you would have had the accident at all in a normal sized vehicle.

Alright. 
I've said my peace. I feel better. 

I understand that someone, maybe many, will disagree with me (trucks ROCK man, the peeing Calvin sticker lives on). Hopefully someone else will stop and think, realize that a car is like a bathing suit...it has to fit you and it can be bad news for you; embarrass your kids and frighten strangers, if it doesn't!

K'NEX - Cool Construction Set

by Coletta

I knew that we were off to a good start when my little boy begged me to open the K’NEX package as soon as I brought out the box. “Oh, wow,” my son said, “An Excavator…that I can do all by myself!” The Cool Construction Set by K’NEX comes with building blocks, connecting pieces and a booklet of different vehicle types that can be created with the set. But, as any working mom would agree, the best part of the set is the durable black case in which all of the pieces fit neatly (including the booklet) when building is done!

The back cover of the booklet displays a photo of the Excavator—the most ambitious of the 10 possible projects you can create. I, having an anxious three-and-a-half-year old on my hands, began with the tractor, which is the first (and easiest) vehicle in the manual. My son and I started putting the interlocking blocks together as a team, but he was so anxious to have the tractor to play with that I took over, and in about three minutes I had a tractor just like the one in the manual. My son, Morgan, liked it, played with it and appreciated it—but that Excavator on the front of the package was still calling to him and so he agreed to dismantle the tractor in favor of the fancier building project. 

K’NEX are a lot like any other building bricks (and apparently the blocks are interchangeable with their competitors' in case you need a piece in a pinch); but K’NEX also come with special connectors which fit together to allow and encourage movement. This feature enables the steering wheel on the tractor to rotate and the loader to actually load and unload. There is also a band to go around movable wheels to make the structures actually look like construction vehicles. The special connectors are very small and a little tricky to manipulate and I think this contributes to and supports the reason why the age range on the K’NEX Cool Construction set is 5+. There were moments during the Excavator construction where I thought that maybe the age should be 35+.

I had a little trouble putting the Excavator together-but I, admittedly, am not a block or puzzle person . The directions were expectedly more complex and the connectors functioned at a much higher level.  After 10 minutes I gave up and called in the big guns—my husband. ‘Daddy’ pretended to be perturbed but was secretly pleased that I needed his help; he had been eying the K’NEX box as greedily as Morgan. 

After teasing me about my inability to follow directions and making me hand him the necessary parts (he actually referred to them as 'connectors' instead of calling them 'twirly thingies')…a fully functional Excavator emerged from the hands of my husband. The vehicle had moving wheels and a digging arm that moved accurately with the touch of a small lever. This definitely went beyond any construction capability that my blocks had growing up. 

My son played with the excavator for a few minutes and then announced that he wanted another construction vehicle from the manual. After initially telling him ‘no’ I finally relented and agreed only to make the tractor again. Morgan was delighted and played with the K-NEX tractor for the rest of the night. We have since created the pick-up truck and made an attempt at the bulldozer, but at the end of each play session, we always return to the three-minute tractor. 

I would certainly recommend this product for any child who loves building. I think that children who have trouble connecting the pieces at first, will, over time, learn to create the more complex structures. The manual is relatively easy to follow and the carrying case is integral in keeping track of all those little connectors. I would definitely purchase this product as a present for anyone ages 5-35, especially those who love Excavators!!

A Very Important Part of Hanukkah

by Coletta

I believe that my son is the only Jewish child in his Pre-school class of 12 kids. I am anticipating that a friend or a teacher may ask him questions about the holiday...and, in preparation for this, I asked my son why we celebrate Hanukkah. Now, my son is three and rather free spirited but I was still disappointed when his answer was "for presents!" I promptly explained that Hanukkah was a celebration of the miracle of the lasting oil and that we celebrated God's power to give us light. Then I asked Morgan again. "What is the meaning of Hanukkah?"  Morgan responded, "MOM...presents are very, very, very important." 

He's right.They are. 

I spend most of the holiday season shopping, stressing about shopping or making a list of what to shop for. It doesn't help that we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas so Morgan will be getting gifts in some form for 2 weeks.

When I told my husband about my discussion with our son he was adamant about concentrating on one of the other big Hanukkah traditions, charity. So each night, after we light the menorah we find change to put in the tzedakah box. We also picked out a gift for the Angel tree at school. I am very happy that we are doing this. But I have a feeling that, for him to really understand charity, we, as a family, will have to do more. This holiday season I am on the lookout for opportunities for us to be generous and give not only from our wallets but also our talents and time. I honestly believe that it is better to give than to receive and the sooner my son learns this, the richer his life will be. I am also hoping to get all of my holiday shopping completed early this week so that my evenings will be free to spend time with my son, do projects, bake cookies, watch holiday specials and visit with friends, I want to show him good examples of the MOST important reasons for the season. 

A Long, Strange Trip to the Potty

By Coletta

I wrote the following entry in May of this year and planned to post this when my son was potty-trained.  It is now November and this is the first week my son is wearing underwear during the day. Morgan has had several major transitions in his little life since I wrote this, including a new daycare provider and new pre-school. But I stuck to my personal goal—which was not to be stressed about potty training so as not to evoke stress in my son. Using a sticker chart with specific dates and specific rewards for milestones has worked for me---as well as throwing out the Pull-Ups and sending clear messages to my son by using only underwear or diapers. Morgan turns 3 next week and I am so very proud and a little relieved that he is almost potty trained! Now I just have to get him to wear underpants at night and get the little green potty out of my living room.

May 8, 2007
9:30 am: I am so nervous about potty training my son—I’m afraid I’ll push too hard and he’ll completely reject all social graces until he’s in his thirties, or I won’t push hard enough and he’ll still be in pull-ups at his Bar Mitzvah.

12:00 pm:  I am driving back to work from the mall, I have purchased poster board, stickers, 2 potty books for my son and 1 for me. I am still very nervous—I’m sure this is the final test that weeds out the real parents from the fake ones (like Biology 101 in college).

12:15 pm: I have skimmed Potty Training for Dummies and they recommend I begin Potty training over a weekend…maybe I should scrap this and wait until next weekend.

4 pm: I pick up son Morgan from daycare and the provider tells me that her 4-year-old granddaughter ordered my son to wear big-boy underwear and stop using diapers and he did it for 2 hours!  Peer-pressure rocks!

4:15 pm:  I put my son on the potty and give him plastic animals in bowl of warm water to play with.

4:45 pm My son is still on the toilet and still no pee from son—I have had to go 2 times so far.

4:46 pm: Release son from potty. He plays. I feel disappointed that there is no pee—but proud of myself for being nonchalant and praising him for his performance.

6:30 pm:  My son wants to play with the animals in the bathroom, I tell him he has to sit on the potty to play—he sits happily and then, after a few minutes he pees! Yay! Wait—now he wants to stay and play in the bathroom.  I distract him with other toys, stickers and books.

8:30 pm: I ask Morgan to sit on the potty one more time before bed. I tell him he can have an animal sticker if he goes. He really wants a sticker—he goes right away. I’m so happy. I’m so relieved.

9:45 pm:  I tell my husband about my stress and concerns. He is sympathetic, but also rolls his eyes a little at my stress. I am starting to feel like this potty training thing is do-able, someday I will have a diaper-free house. Then my husband informs me that his family has a history of school-age bedwetting.  Damn.

Check, Please!

Recently, my husband made reservations at a new local Italian restaurant. The small restaurant is located in a strip mall, in the quiet business district of town. The restaurant boasts a phenomenal wine list and good food, the price list for the menu was moderate to low. He made the reservation for three - himself, our 2 1/2 yr old son and me.

When we arrived the host/owner was shared his surprise that we made a reservation for three people as opposed to "two adults and one child." Then he told us that if we told him over the phone that we were bringing a child, he could make special arrangements for us. We waited for 10 additional minutes in the tiny lobby with our hungry child while they made their special arrangements, which consisted of waiting for another family to leave and preparing their corner table far away from all of the other tables. As I looked around the restaurant I saw that there were plenty of tables open, just like the table we sat at...but sitting at any other table would have integrated us in with the other childfree tables.

During our wait in the lobby, a man without a reservation arrived and inquired about the wait. The host/owner asked, "How many people in your party?"
"Four," the man responded. 
"All adults?" the host asked.
"Two adults and two children," he responded.
"What are their ages?" the host asked. "Nine and eleven", the customer responded.
"Let me see..." said the host.  Five minutes later with no response, the customer asked again when they would be seated and the host told him it would be fifteen minutes before he would KNOW whether or not he could seat them. The man left.

After we were seated, we ordered and the waiter brought my son juice in a highball glass with no top or straw. At this point my nervousness about bringing my child was peaking. Luckily we had been at Temple earlier in the day and we were dressed nicely and my son was very interested in the small toys he brought with him to dinner so he was relatively quiet and well-behaved.

Independence Day

by Coletta

Today, in preparation for our nation's birthday I did one of the most patriotic things ever -- I registered to vote in my town! During the last major election I was nine months pregnant and I had just moved to a new state so I voted absentee. I hadn't gotten around to registering in Maryland until today. I am now prepared to do my duty as a proud U.S. citizen.

Actually, I had not planned on registering to vote today; the registration center is located next door to a pre-school where I'm considering enrolling my son. I toured it for the first time today and I loved it! I'm so happy and relieved to find the right fit for my son and for my family. As of August 27, my son will be cared for full time (he currently is being watched on a part-time basis).  I really feel like this is my independence day. When my son starts going to school in the fall, I will have a little more 'me' time, to run errands, volunteer or maybe start a few projects or another part-time job. The promise of more freedom makes me giddy with anticipation, and finding the right school (and the right school ONLY) is such a big part of that.  I don't want to give up time with my son unless it benefits him and I really feel like this school will give him everything I want him to have.

Of course, with my independence from my son, inevitably comes his freedom from me, and that is such a bittersweet feeling. I'm so nervous about letting him go, letting him grow up, letting him have outside influences but, today, I'm willing to give him a little liberty.

Swimming Pool 101

by Coletta

My family and I just joined a community pool. My 2-year old son loves the water and I wanted him to learn swimming and water safety. I have found that he is learning so much more. The pool experience is teaching my son valuable lessons in patience, self-control and sharing. 

There's a funny thing about bringing water toys to the pool--if you put the toy in the water, eventually, if you're not watching, it floats away, inevitably in to the arms of a waiting toddler (or that little drain thingy). The vision of losing his toys to another child is enough to send my son in to hysterics. But Morgan is learning that if he wants to take someone else's toys he will have to share his. 

He is finally learning that playing games with other children is more rewarding than playing with his toys all by himself. He also realizes that, for the most part lending a toy always results in its retrieval at some point. I've learned a lesson too, the little girls he plays with are infinitely better at sharing with him than the boys. Their social skills and their ability to empathize are greater and they respond to his sad faces and whimpering. The little boys on the other hand seem to view Morgan's demands for the return of his pool toys as a challenge and escalate the situation until an adult steps in. (Of course this works both ways with Morgan snatching toys away from little girls with no remorse.)

Morgan has also learned about self-control and patience. The first few times we left the pool at the end of the day he cried--a lot--but now, when we leave he happily eats his snack, knowing that we will return to swim another day. There is a lesson for me in this too, my son is a creature of habit and he responds well to repetition and structure. He really likes knowing what's coming next and it is up to the adults in his life to make sure that he receives the communication that he needs and wants.

The pool experience has also been good for me, good excercise and a good opportunity to interact with others in the community. I also love that cool water after a long day at my desk at work followed by a commute home in 95 degree weather!

First report card

by Coletta

My 2-year-old son got his first written report from his babysitter this week. She made notes about his communication, growth and development, relationships with others and several other categories. I was shocked at how nervous I was opening the envelope and reading the paper.

Our daycare provider verbally tells me information about my son on a daily basis, what he’s learning, how his day went, any new discoveries—but there was something intimidating about this piece of paper. The report officially put my son on the radar—he is a unique person, not an extension of my husband and me. Logically I knew this already but the paper made it very real and very clear. It also made me realize that there will be many reports about Morgan our future and I thought ahead to report cards, reviews and SATs. These reports will be about Morgan and, in the end; he is the only person that is reflected in them.

According to the report Morgan loves puzzles and is very logical—I’m going to take a guess and say that none of my report cards---in any grade--mentioned anything about my being extremely logical—and puzzles are not a favorite of mine. The report has challenged me to see my son as an individual with his own set of traits. It reminded me that I have to tune in to the activities and interests that he has and not set an exclusive agenda of my own for his future. I hope I can continue to encourage and accept who he is—and that his report cards continue to be positive ones.

The shark tour

by Coletta

I’ve been to the National Aquarium in Baltimore several times in my life and one of those previous visits was with my young son.  None of those visits was like the one I experienced this Easter weekend.

I’m used to buying my tickets, waiting in line to get in, and then walking from exhibit to exhibit observing the aquatic life collected for my perusal. The trip I took this weekend with my husband and son was very different. I felt like a museum visitor who comes to the museum to see only one painting and sits on the bench in front of it for hours.

As we waited in line my son asked me over and over about the sharks. When we walked in—we went straight through to the shark exhibit. We stayed there and observed the shark tanks from every angle.  When we went upstairs to see the smaller exhibits and the fish, my husband and my son quickly became bored (it was packed) and we continued on to the end of the exhibit where there were more sharks. We stared at each shark and one huge shark even seemed like he saw us through the tank and headed in our direction. My solace at missing the majority of the exhibits was tempered by my son’s enamor with the multi-toothed creatures. 

We hung around long enough to see the divers come down and hand-feed the smaller sharks and sting rays some squid and the one-legged sea turtle some lettuce (I guess that’s what happens when you live in a tank with sharks and sting rays). The ‘shark tour’ was briefly interrupted by the dolphin show (also boring to the men in my life) and the crocodile exhibit which was (big surprise) a hit! As we were leaving I commented to my husband that I didn’t remember there being so many sharks at the Aquarium—my husband quickly picked up my son and twirled him in the air and responded, “We DID!”