Work It: a blog for Working Moms

To Travel Or Not To Travel?

By Sara B

We’ve got a team building event coming up at work that would require us to travel to another state since that is where the main office is. If I chose to go along with the rest of my teammates, I’d have to be apart from my daughter and husband for three days.

I’m a new mom and the thought of leaving my almost nine month old daughter is scary for me. She doesn’t even sleep through the night yet – well, that is a story for another time! Anyway, I discussed this upcoming travel with my manager and he felt that it would be OK if I chose not to attend. He said the team would understand and it was up to me. I really have a great manager and I appreciate his flexibility.

I do worry that by not attending this, it will make me look bad at work. On one hand I do feel like I have a valid excuse, I’m a new mom and I’m still nursing my daughter. This is only a team building event and not some important critical business activity.

On the other hand I realize that I am missing out on the face to face interaction with my teammates from another state who I haven’t seen in over a year. I worry that by not attending it will make me stand out and I won’t look like a team player.

I’m really torn. I know I could just travel and pump while away from my daughter. I worry about how I’d miss her. I’d feel bad leaving my husband and I know the baby would miss me and notice that I am not around. She is going through some major separation anxiety right now. I’m not quite sure what I am going to do, but I want to make a decision soon. That way my team can be informed on the situation.

Has anyone gone on a business trip for work while having an infant? How did it go?

Calmly waiting

by Joy

In two weeks, I am due to have my third child and so far, I am the calmest I have ever been in my history of being pregnant. I thought I would be more panicked than I am, but here I am surprising myself by being rational, calm and incredibly excited. I have purchased all the necessities for the baby, and I do mean necessities, not the entire baby store as I initially did when I had my daughter seven years ago. I have done all the preliminaries – washed the baby clothes, set up the cradle, and even made space in my cabinets for the baby bottles. 

Every time I turn around, I have “well-meaning” people tell me about the horror of having three children.  Based on what I have heard – utter household chaos! Loss of my mind and sense of well-being! Certain bankruptcy! - I should be running screaming for the hills, yet here I am sitting calmly, albeit uncomfortably just waiting to meet my new son. I am actually excited about having my third child. I cannot wait to see those little fingers and toes. Experience the first smile, first giggle, word, step, first everything all over again. I am looking forward to relishing and cherishing all those moments I enjoyed with my daughter and son, somehow this time I know that I am going to savor these moments even more. Perhaps because I am a little older and realize just how precious these moments are. Maybe it is because I am going through other changes in life – starting graduate school to change careers and leaving full-time work behind – I am not sure.

Maybe panic may never come. With three children, husband, school and a household to take care of, there may not be room for panic. The well wishers may be right, exhaustion, exasperation, and exhuberation may take up too much room. In any event, I know that in about 2-3 weeks, my world is going to change yet again and I cannot wait!

Am I the only one out here

By Stephanie G.

I'll never forget that day in the doctor's office. "Did you plan on having more children," he asked. My heart sank. I was completely caught off guard. I did want more, I told him, then he suggested surgery instead of a hysterectomy. WOW! I was completely blown away. I cried the entire way home. I kept telling myself how happy my daughter made me, but I always wanted her to have siblings. After the whole ordeal and one year later, here we are with my second child, the cutest little boy I've ever seen.

I wanted another child so badly, but I never imagined I would go through what I went through. He came at 34 weeks and 4 pounds and 11 ounces. Thank God he was healthy, he just wasn't quite ready to take to a bottle yet. It was the most heart-wrenching thing I've ever been through in my life. My heart would break every time I had to leave his side. 

Some days he would do well, others he was just too exhausted. I felt so sad and it was really awkward to see him hooked up to so many monitors. The NICU nurses only added to my problems. They made me feel as if I was the one doing something wrong. All I would hear all day was "hold him like this" or "hold the bottle like that." I can't describe what I was torture I was going through inside. Finally, after what seemed like months, after two weeks we got to bring our precious baby boy home.

For the next couple of months, it was exhausting for me. He wasn't on a set schedule like my daughter.  She would eat every three hours and sleep the rest. She was, and I repeat, was so easy going as a baby.  She would just go with the flow. My son, on the other hand was so different. He was up every two hours, sometimes, every hour and a half.  My heart went out to him.  Who knows how he felt being cared for by so many different faces, plus all the noises he had to put up with all day. I was so moody, restless, and overwhelmed. I would envy the snores of my husband and daughter.  I was certain I was paying for all the bad I had done in my life. It was that bad.

Then I would  feel so guilty. I was begging, pleading for my son to come home, then here I was overwhelmed by the transition. I kept telling myself that it would get better. So, I would just take things day by day. Sure enough, after a couple of months, the nights were so much better. Maybe we were finally getting used to each other. I know it must have been hard on him, also. Now he's a happy, healthy five month old. I look back and thank God for the highs and lows we've made it through. I have my three angels by my side in everything I do and for that I am ever blessed.