Work It: a blog for Working Moms

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Mommy

by Jessica

One of the requirements of my job is to travel occasionally. So far this year I have only had to travel once, than again it is only March. During the months of June, July and August I will be gone one week per month. While this is not a long period of time, it throws a monkey wrench in our summer plans.

Both of the boys have baseball in those months and then they start football in August. While I am sure the Daddy person is more than capable of running the show, the little anal voice inside my head is screaming " it will all fall apart without you." I've tried to hush that voice up several times but wine and shots of vodka are not doing the trick.

Since that is not working I have turned to my fellow WOHM who tend to travel. I pumped them for their valued knowledge of how not to come unglued at the prospect of leaving the husband in charge. I was quickly assured that things will run smoothly. The children will get to practices and games with all of their needed equipment. The house will still be standing when I return. The dog will get feed, etc etc etc. I was also told that none of this will happen the way I think it should. That part could have been left out.

I am thankful I have a great knowledge base to pull from when it comes to being a traveling Mommy. The reassurance I got made all of the difference in the world. I am a bit more calm about my future travels.  I know things will run like clock work, just on someone else's clock.

Heard around the blogosphere

by Amy S.

Just a couple of interesting things I've seen recently online:

Let's Kill Bad PowerPoint Presentations:
Can I get an "AMEN!" I like checking in on the Monster Blog for this very type of post - current and usable details for the workplace. I work in the land of PowerPoint Presentations are Cool and this article should be a must-read for anyone still suffering through or creating over-the-top presentations.

Work at home + High-Pressure Career:
Time's Lisa Takeuchi Cullen writes about a married couple who are combating - succesfully - the pressures of a duel-high-pressure-career family life by working at home. My favorite quote, "And more and more of us—childed and childless alike—are realizing that quality of life is greatly enhanced by losing the 9-to-5 office shackles."

Keeping the Guilt at Bay

by Jenny

I’ve taken two business trips in the last two weeks. Each time I was gone for at least three nights. When I got back the first time, my almost-three-year-old started acting different. She was extra whiny, said things like, “I want you, mom,” “Are you going on a trip?” and “I want daddy,” things that just weren’t part of her regular demeanor. So getting ready for my second trip made me a little nervous because no matter what assurances I’d offered the last week and a half, now I was off again, negating all that I had promised.

We working moms have the market cornered on guilt, don’t we? So usually I can muster up a good bit of guilt in situations like this. But the funny thing is, I didn’t feel guilty. Not this time. I can’t put my finger on why, but the first thought that comes to mind, is, that’s just life.

I’m going to go on business trips and there are going to be times when I can’t be home. My children should be able to function and thrive without me for three days. If they can, it’s a good sign that I’m doing a good job fostering independence and trust.

A good business trip now and then, a girls’ weekend away or even a romantic getaway is good for all involved. It gets moms out of the trenches, offers a chance to get some perspective and to appreciate your children and your partner. On the flip side, it offers your children and partner some perspective. They can appreciate the invisible things you do for them on a daily basis and remember not to take you for granted.

But then again, my almost-nine-month-old is inches from crawling and it’s likely I’m going to miss those first moves. Oh no, here comes the guilt…

New job balancing act

by Jennifer

So, I've nearly wrapped up week two at the new job. When I wrote about those precious 15 minutes (each way) I'd be adding to my commute, I felt I'd been over thinking and over-analyzing the time creep. I wasn't. It's turned out to be more like 30 minutes--15 for the commute... and I need to be in the office 15-20 minutes earlier than I needed to be at the old job.

First, there's getting out the door. My son isn't much of a TV watcher, but he loves Sesame Street, particularly Elmo's World. Unfortunately, Elmo is on from 7:38am until 7:54 a.m. Oscar reads Slimey the Worm a bedtime story until 7:56 and my son considers this segment part of "watch-un Elmo." Used to be that as soon as Slimey was tucked in, I whisked my little guy into the bathroom to brush his teeth and then to his room to get dressed. As soon as the clothes were on and shoe Velcro was fastened, it was into the stroller and out there door, typically by 8:30am.

Now, we brush teeth immediately after breakfast (OK, not so bad) and I dress my son while he's in his Elmo-watching trance (um, far more comedic). Throw in a dirty diaper and the whole thing goes to ruin. Tick. Tick. Tick. Before the new job, I could sometimes take my son on the morning walk with the dog. If we took an extra five minutes, it was no big deal. There was slack in the morning schedule. Now, even getting up 15-20 minutes earlier (at 6:15am), indulging the little guy in the morning walk means barely making it out the door.

It all feels so rushed. And it doesn't end with the snapping of the stroller straps (hopefully at no later than 8:05am... or getting to work on time is a pipe dream). Every day, I find myself trying to power-walk while pushing a stroller with a 32-lb boy, my work bag and whatever else we need for the day. Up hill. Really. I mean up an actual 1/3-mile hill. Did I mention I do this dressed for work? Once we get up the hill, it's 5 more minutes until we arrive at daycare. Apparently, a lot of people leave for work at this time so the lone elevator at the building that houses our family daycare is terribly busy.

Tick. Tick. Tick. We rush in the door and I've no longer got the five play minutes I used to have to just linger, plop on the floor with my son's favorite toy or simply spend time on an extra long hug. Gotta be out the front door of the building by 8:22am or earlier to have any hope of catching the subway train that comes in time for me to get to my desk by 9:15-ish am (if the trains are running OK).

When I finally get to the train, the platform is packed and so is the train that arrives. I used to get a seat every single day. So far, in 10 days, I've gotten a seat twice. So, I apply my makeup (concealer, powder, blush, mascara, lipstick and sometimes eye shadow) while standing. On a moving train. Yes, it's funny. But so far, I haven't poked out my eye, colored on any other passengers or made much of a mess. I have only smudged my lipstick application once. Of this fact, I feel proud.

Twenty minutes into the train ride, at my old train stop, enough people get off that I generally get a seat (8 days out of ten so far). But it's too late. My feet are sore. I'm trying hard not to feel cranky that the seat I got isn't a coveted end seat, but a middle seat between a heavily-perfumed woman and a man who clearly shops in the big and tall section. At least I'm sitting. Tick. Tick. Tick. Once I arrive at my new stop, 15-minutes later, I'm not there yet. I have a 10-minute fast walk (meaning, I gotta walk fast if I have any hope of not being the last person in my group to arrive... they all live, oh 15-25 minutes away) to the office. I'm exhausted.

The end of the day is easier, except that I can no longer leave twice a week to pick up my son (although I can go one day). It was always my husband's job to do pick-up, but I would pitch in an extra day or two so he could deal with pressing work matters or it he had late meetings. And wouldn't you know it, the next six weeks, my husband has (so far) seven evening events or conference calls that will prevent him from picking up our son. These aren't the kind of things he can skip.

I've come up with a few potential solutions, some simple. A coworker told me about DVR (I know, I live in the dark ages of TV-schedule-bound, commercial-watching) and suggested I DVR Sesame Street and start the Elmo part 10 minutes early, using the episode from the day before. I'm calling the cable company tonight. I now take a night time shower instead of an early morning shower. I put my makeup on during my subway ride instead of at home. I wear socks and sneakers to the office and change my shoes at work most days. I go to bed 30 minutes earlier. I pick out my clothes the night before. We've hired a sitter to pick our son up two nights of the week to relieve some pressure on us (even though one of us will arrive home within 15-30 minutes of the sitter and our son arriving home, that's really an extra 45 minutes leeway for us) and if that doesn't work, our daycare has offered to keep him late for a small fee (wish they'd offered when we told them we were looking into a sitter for this purpose; and yet, there's all the guilt of lengthening his daycare day in the first place).

Even with all of this, I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm screwing up. I'm forgetting stuff I never forgot before--like sending the rent check and calling my friend on her birthday. Frankly, I love this new job already and every day I see clearly how much I'm gonna be able to do here (which makes me love it more). I also see potential for working from home a day a week here and there or even, perhaps, regularly, beginning sometime early next year. So, I realize this is all going to work out, that it takes time to get used to a new situation. But right now, I'm sorry to admit, that I, previously the owner of a Superwoman persona, am struggling.

Do you have any advice to help power me through? What have you done when a work change has thrown your balancing act off--at least temporarily? 

My other (work) kids...

By Jennifer

I told my husband the other night that I've gotten to a point where I feel old enough that the young people who work for me are like my kids, my work kids. The truth is, since I first had an intern report to me at the ripe old age of 24, I've felt this way about the various college interns and young reporters who have worked with me or for me. I want them to succeed. I want them to feel like what they contribute matter, even if it's helping to make phone calls or send out surveys. When any one of them wants me to mentor or help them, guide or bounce ideas with them--the answer is always yes. Several of my work kids have worked for me at more than one employer. And one has even helped me get a job! They've become people I care about, people who share things with me that stretch beyond career goals and good assignments. Many have been to my house for dinner. I champion them and I do what I can to keep them on track.


I've had some really rotten bosses and a big part of the way I deal with those under me is an effort to be everything those terrible bosses are not. I try to be the boss I always wanted. Including the painful honesty part. Now that I am a mom, I realize it's not all about being a better boss than the bosses I have had. It's also about making a connection with the people down the ladder from me. It's about actually caring what happens to people. And yes, maybe mothering them a little. It's also about being a role model (particularly for the females among the group who hope to be moms one day and still juggle their careers). I've been told two or three times that I do too much for the people that work for me. But building a career is hard work. If I can help, I feel like I should. It's a lot more gratifying than planning next year's editorial calendar. And, after all, they're my kids.

How about you? Are there younger employees you've taken under your wing, who you feel responsible for? Why do you do it?

The angst of a great job change

By Jennifer

So. I got a new job! Ok. Not just a new job. A really-great-perfect-for-me-career-goals type job. I wasn't really looking. I'm just shy of a year at the job I have (the guilt involved in that is more substantial than I thought, but that's another story). I've got some pretty good work-life balance. I can go home at a decent time, leave early when I need to, finish work after my son goes to bed, etc. The people I work with now are nice people. But the job itself just didn't turn out to be what it was supposed to be and ultimately, it's not a good fit. The new job, well, I was so excited about it before the interview that I woke up in the middle of the night with ideas, and I got up to jot them down. The pay is better and the room for advancement is significantly better. The new boss has so many fans that he should have his own club! The work is going to be challenging and rewarding.

So why the angst? It all boils down to 15 minutes, times two. My commute will be 15 minutes longer (it's a 30-minute commute now). That, plus the whole new job thing, means leaving to get my son more than one day a week is gonna be tough--at least for a while, until I get settled in. My husband usually does the day care pick up, but the occasional meeting or need to stay late means I do pick up at least once--and usually twice--a week. Even if I leave work at the same time on other days, I'll be home 15 or 20 minutes later. That means my husband will need to fully prepare dinner two or three nights a week. Right now, he gets dinner started once a week and I usually rush something together or use one of my pre-prepared meals (see my other post on that lifesaver) two nights a week. We scrounge one night and Friday is pizza night. This scenario literally made me hesitate when making the decision to change jobs--more than anything else. I could see the panic in my husband's eyes when I did my very best to be as clear as possible about what his added responsibility would be if I took the job.

Then, there's the morning routine. We'll need to leave 15 minutes earlier for day care. But mornings are my time with my son. We eat breakfast together, watch Elmo, pick out clothes for the day, take our time brushing our teeth together, play with toys, sometimes take the dog for a walk together (if my son wakes up earlier than usual). It takes us a while to get ready, but that's because we take our time. It's a little hectic, but I love and cherish that time. With the new job, I'll have to speed up the morning routine and live with the fact that my son will be in daycare 15 minutes longer every day. Of course, it's more my own selfish enjoyment of our mornings... and their coming shortness... that has me bummed. On the other end of the day, 15 minutes means scooting in the door just as dinner is ready and lowing the option of a quick jaunt outside with my son and the dog before bath time.

So, what to do? Since my husband's job does require a few evening functions a month, we've thought about trying to hire a sitter two nights a week for 1.5 to 2 hours to pick our son up from day care and bring him home and start dinner; one or both of us would be home 30 to 45 minutes after he and the sitter arrived home. Does that sound as insane as I think it sounds? It would relieve a little pressure for both my husband and for me.

This new job is really about as perfect for me as they come. And even though we weighed the personal pros-and-cons as a family, taking the job was never really in doubt. I am one of those crazy people who does best when busy. The busier I am, the more challenging my work, the better I perform, at work and at home. My current job has turned out not to be that challenging and not that busy. When this mom is happy at work, she's really happy at home. The new job has a lot of potential for me and for our family. And I'm really excited about it. I mean, really excited. And yet, I also feel incredible guilt. Who knew 15 minutes would make for 30 pounds of guilt?

Have you ever changed jobs or hours in a way that affected your family? How did you deal with it--and the guilt?   

More information about Jobs and Moms.

Changes Cha Cha Changes

by Jessica

Over the last few weeks I have experienced a lot of changes in my workplace. They have caused me to re-evaluate my job and its stability. 

As a working Mom we experience all different levels of worry. We worry about how our working outside the home affects our children. We worry about how working outside the home will affect our marriages. 

Now when company shake ups occur we worry about the changes in our job or if we will even have a job. What will we do if our job responsibilities change? What will we do if our hours change? What will we do if our job is eliminated all together?

As Mother's we are very adaptable to change but are we as adaptable to the effects it has on our families? How have you worked through the changes that have occurred in your workplace? How have they affected your household and your family?

When it all feels like too much...

by Jennifer

It's been a while since I've been able to post... for good reason. First off, my big project of the year is in full swing. I've barely been able to take a break. I've worked dozens of late nights in the last five weeks, I've traveled last-minute to places I've never heard of (and arranged extra help for my husband while I was gone), I've thrice broken my rule of not missing putting my son to bed more than one weeknight a week, I've hosted my 21-year-old niece and her boyfriend, I've been dealing with a stressed-out husband (also in his busy time) and to top it off, it's been one of those rough patches in marriage that you try to hold you breath and get through but can't help but wonder if it is far more serious than that.

So, I've been a little extra busy. The fallout has not been pretty. First off, I don't recommend hosting 21-year-olds if you only have a pull-out couch or if you appreciate your sleep. But that's another story.

What I really want to talk about is that feeling of not being able to handle one more thing--or even the things already on your plate. Coming home at strange times and traveling more than usual only made my son more cranky and heightened his need to have his pacifier nearby. And while I feel bad and sad about that, I really liked the travel and the crazy work. It was kind of thrilling and the work has been really interesting and satisfying. I've been a little bored sometimes moving from a daily newspaper to a monthly magazine, but this has been like the old days--nonstop stuff to do, and interesting stuff at that. I hate that my professional highlight comes at the expense of my son's sense of order and mommy-is-always-here-to-tuck-me-in security. And that my crazy schedule has made my son more clingy at daycare.

Then, there's my husband. I love him. I married him. I'm committed to him. But his ability to handle change to the schedule and stress in our lives is about double-negative 10 on a scale of 1-10. I've always kind of been the rational, solution-oriented one who figures out how we get through. But I couldn't this time. And since there'd been some tension before the crazy work stuff started, the stress wore on our relationship very quickly.  It's hard for me--and I'm sure it's true in many families like mine-- to sort through what's a more fundamental problem and what's just stress-related. This is the first period like this since we've had a child. I hate to say, it makes it all feel worse... mostly since we try really hard not to argue or to be tense or to bicker in front of our son.

In times like these, I find it hard to figure out what--or who--to blame, or what--or who--is right. Is it work (mine, his, both)? Is it that truly, something is wrong in our marriage that the stresses of work and life  are turned inward or is it just natural? Is it wrong that I really liked the crazy hours and travel? Should I feel guiltier about whatever damage--imagined or real--I've done to my son and our order by loving my work? Or is that the biggest load-o-crap that I've ever uttered (written)?

Work is still a bit nuts and will be for the next three weeks, although the travel is over and the late nights should be nearly over. But it's times like these, when it all feels liike too much, that I think back on those days when I was a single gal, when I could get lost in a work project without worry or break up with a boyfriend who said whatever it was that turned out to be the last straw. I wouldn't trade my family (okay, I definitely would not trade my son... and I probably would not trade my frazzled hubby). But I can't help escaping to my thoughts of those days back when it was simpler--and sometimes wishing I could have them back, low-paying job and all.

What do you do when it feels like too much? How do you keep your home/marriage a "safe harbor" in the chaos?

How She Really Does It...

by Jennifer

About five months ago, I took on a new role in addition to my lead parts as mom, wife, editor and chaos-wranger. I often read bulletin boards and blogs for journalists and on one I saw a post from a young woman literally begging for a mentor. A few days later, nobody had answered her post. I kept being drawn back to her note--she was determined, experienced and ready to make a move. But she needed someone to be a sounding board, maybe offer some contacts or just a resume review. I couldn't help myself. She was about four years younger than me and a level or two down the masthead. Once I emailed her and heard her story, helping her was an easy decision.

The young woman, Jill, was talented, as I suspected. We worked through everything from what kind of suit to buy for interviews at big glossy magazines--black, pants and a shirt with color--to how to present clips, what kind of research to do ahead of time and how to negotiate salaries. I've helped a number of interns and junior writers with this type of thing before, so it was easy to help Jill.

Then she asked me a question to which I had no real answer. She asked me how I do it all... be a mother, a wife and a magazine editor, in New York City, no less... and seem to be so happy and put together?  Since she asked via email, I had a little time to think about it. My first impulse was to say, "I have no idea, I just do." And to be honest, that's the way I feel most of the time. Quite frankly, thinking about how I do it made my head spin!

Here's what I do know: It's a complicated dance where missteps can be a really big deal, so before you get it right, you practice a lot and get it wrong (or, well, not perfect) more times than you want to remember. But then one day you just realize that your dance is fluid and lovely and it's working out pretty darn close to the way you choreographed it in your head.

Okay, so maybe I've idealized it a bit. I mean, my life is pretty nuts. The morning routine would make a great sitcom (particularly the part where my son climbs up on the toilet--lid closed--and says hello to his reflection, "Hi You! Mommy, It's You. Hi You!" and tries to kiss himself without realizing it's actually him and not some cute kid names You). And I've squished into a sweaty, overpacked, very-late-to-arrive subway car in order to make it to daycare before 6 p.m. one too many times--and I only pick my son up once or twice a week.

I've worried about walking out of the office at 5:15 p.m. when most people will stay until 6 p.m. or later--even though I know I ate lunch at my desk and accomplished everything I planned to and more while some coworkers chatted all day and headed outdoors to enjoy the spring and a fruit shake at lunchtime. It's a jam-packed life. It's full of compromises on which parent does what. It's about making the time we have together as a family count, from our dinners together five nights a week to our family-only weekend time and more. It's about proving my worth at work not through face time, but quality work--and sometimes passing up an assignment I really want to put my name in the hat for in favor of something else that's doable. It's about having great child care, a day care provider who loves my son and all the kids in her small group as if they were her own and never letting me apologize for being five minutes late some days.

You look at all the pieces and it's hard to see how it can work. But it just does. Like I said, it's a complicated dance. And right now, it's coming together nicely.

As for Jill, she landed her dream job in mid-April. The day after she got the offer, a beautiful orchid arrived at my desk with a note thanking me for my guidance and support. (Someone asked if the flower was from my husband--ummm, that's a part of the dance we're still mapping out, you know, the grand finale thingy.)

So, how do you really do it?

Weighing your options

by Jessica

When you first enter the workforce, your ideals are much different than when you are in the workforce and you have a family to support. When you are single, your focus tends to be the amount of money you can make rather than the benefits that are available to you. When you are supporting a family you weigh the salary to the benefits. When you are single, your geographic range is more wide open. Moving away from family and friends seems like a wonderful adventure ripe for the picking.  When you are married you tend to weigh the distance between family and job a bit more closely. Will this job take my children away from their grandparents? Is it really worth the extra pay to distance ourselves from the bosom of our family?

As a wife, mother, and employee I try to keep my options open at best. When a great job opportunity arose last year, I sat down and weighed the good against the bad. With the salary increase along came an increase in travel. With more responsibility came more late nights working from home after the children went to bed. In the end I saw the job move as a great move for my family. While I would be spending a small amount of time away from them when I traveled, I looked at it as more one on one time with their father. The late nights working ,well they are already asleep so they would not suffer in the least. 

I some times wonder if, as mothers, we have a bit more to look at in making job choices than men. Mothers tend to be the heart and health of the home and their absence seems more noticeable than the father's. I know that it should not be seen this way since parenting, in a perfect world, should be 50-50. When a father weighs their employment choices do they use the same scale as a mother? Do they worry about the consequences of their choices in the same matter a mother might?