Another working moms site, "Working Moms Against Guilt" honored us with a "Thinking Blogger" award saying: "With 11 working moms blogging collectively, you're bound to discover some thought-provoking ideas, products, websites, and thoughts. Work It features lots of different voices and updates often with entries that make us think. Plus, I love the Coffee Break entries!"
Elizabeth at "Career and Kids" says: "I enjoy the “Coffee Break” links...there’s often content of interest to all working parents...and..Keep up the good work!"
Writer Sandi Shelton recently blogged about us, too! She said, "A website for working moms, called Work It, linked to my blog, which made me so happy because their stuff is so funny and so necessary out there in the world."
by Amy S.
An interesting quick look by Wall Street Journal writer John J. Edwards III at how working men define "support." As is often the case, the comments from dads - and moms - makes for the most interesting reading.
by Jessica
I found this article, in the August 13 edition on Newsweek, written by a single working mom who has had enough with the wars.
Kathleen Deveny presents some really good points about the Mommy Wars and what they have done to us collectively as mothers. She begs us to take a step back and realize that we are each individuals and we are going to mother our children in our own way. Kathleen also points out that we spend too much time defending our parenting styles.
There is talk of the labels, MILF, Yummy Mummys, Alpha Moms, etc. There are even books being written that glamorize the Mommy Wars and what we go through everyday as moms. Little tidbits of the books are included in the article.
Our Moms did not have to deal with this debate. They spent each day doing what they did without worrying about what Sally Smith or Jenny Jones thought. Why is it so hard for us to be able to do that? Who cares if we are keeping up with the Joneses or not?
We have so much more to deal with these days. Product recalls, picking a preschool to send our children, squeezing in family time. These all should be at the for front of our minds not what the neighbors think.
How can we, intelligent open minded women, move past these needless discussions? What can we do to end the wars and forge a peaceful loving existence?
My husband and I have been going back and forth about preschool next year for our son. He'll be two in October and I'm not so sure I want to send him to an organized program next fall. He's learning a lot at his family day care and he's so happy. He says all his ABCs, counts to 12, knows a bunch of colors and can name dozens of animals, speaks English and Spanish, speaks in short sentences more and more, and he learns the words to songs better than I do. So what does he need preschool for? Yet, I ponder it.
Let me start by saying that in NYC, the preschool craze is ridiculous. No. It's insane, ridiculous, crazy... all of it. People regularly spend $15,000 to $25,000 (plus required donations) to send their kids to prestigours preschools (even a particular YMCA school is in that category). I mean, hello...it ain't Harvard. And they're only 3-years old! I'm not playing on that field. No way. Frankly, I'd be happy to wait until he's nearly 4 and send him to universal pre-k. My husband essentially agrees. But it's hard not to think about it when people around you are obsessed. I feel like he's already learning so much, perhaps in a more passive way.
That's why this article, Should preschools teach all work and no play, really hit me...
from the article...
Rebecca Marcon, a developmental psychologist
and education researcher at the University of North Florida in
Jacksonville, agrees. In 1999, Marcon published a study in the journal
Developmental Psychology that looked at 721 4-year-olds selected from
three different preschool models: play based, academic (adult directed)
and middle of the road (programs that did not follow either
philosophy). Marcon followed the children’s language, self-help,
social, motor and adaptive development along with basic skills.
“What we found in our research then and in ongoing studies is that children who were in a [play-based] preschool program showed stronger academic performance in all subject areas measured compared to children who had been in more academically focused or more middle-of-the-road programs,” says Marcon.
According to Marcon and other researchers, children who are subjected to overly academic environments early on have more behavior problems later and are less likely to be enthusiastic, creative learners and thinkers.
“You will frequently get short-term gains with a highly academic approach (in preschool), but they come with long-term consequences,” says Marcon. “A lot of early childhood studies only follow children to third grade. But when you take it into fourth grade and beyond that’s where you see the big difference. That’s when children have to be more independent and think.”
and later in the article, the head of Stanford University's school of education says:
Play versus academics is a false dichotomy, she says. “The idea is that at the preschool age, all learning should be fun. Adults should be intentional about the teaching, but it should be embedded in everyday life and fun activities.”
Frankly, that's kind of what I feel my son's life is like now. His daycare caregivers taught him his colors and numbers, repeated playing of the alphabet song and my goofy antics helped with the letters, etc. Learning is a part of his fun, it just happens in his day. He's plenty socialized at day care, too. And really, can't he wait until he's 4 to sit still and have his first significant exposure to the structured learning he'll be a part of for all of his young life?
What do you think about preschool and its purpose and place in a toddler's life? Do you think it's a must? Optional? Should it be academic? Playful? Is there preschool pressure where you live? And if so, how do you deflect it if you're the odd-mom-out?
Headline: "How to stop worrying about Child Care", from cnn.com:
"Add in the child-care studies that periodically make alarming headlines in the news media -- like research from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development about how kids in child-care centers exhibit a slight increase in minor behavior problems through sixth grade -- and it's a wonder any of us have a moment's peace of mind."
This article expressed every worry, fear, or regret I ever had about placing my children in daycare. It also made me realize that we all go through this and it is totally normal. I always thought I was being obsessive and compulsive but come to find out I was just being a normal mother.
What are your experiences with daycare? Did you choose a daycare or a nanny? What was your reasoning in making the choice you made? Do you ever wish you would have done differently?
Headline: "Firstborn Sons have Higher IQs, Norway Study Finds"
From a story widely reported in the media recently:
"Firstborn sons have higher IQs than their younger brothers, and their social status within the family may explain why, researchers reported on Thursday.
A study that used military draft records for more than 240,000 Norwegian men found that firstborns had an edge of 2.3 IQ points on their next oldest brothers, who in turn beat brothers born third by 1.1 points on average."
As moms, what do you think about this? Does it make sense to you or does it come as a surprise? And as with many other studies, can we put much trust in this or is it mostly just another "study?"
by Amy S.
Leslie Morgan Steiner, the author of "Mommy Wars" takes on all the chatter recently about two high-profile books of late that have seemingly wrist-slapped stay-at-home moms for, well, staying at home.
She says:
"Linda Hirshman's Get to Work compared women who stay home with children to reckless drivers who ride motorcycles without protective helmets. Leslie Bennetts' The Feminine Mistake offered a gentler critique, filled with stories of stay-at-home moms who inadvertently found themselves on the wrong end of divorce, financial bad luck or unfulfilling domestic lives."
So Steiner set out to talk to and research women who had been stay-at-home moms and made the choice to re-enter the workforce. The result was good news.
"I was not able to find a single college-educated stay-at-home mother who couldn't find fulltime work within twelve months. A survey by the Center for Work Life Policy in New York shows that 74% of stay-at-home moms who want to go back are able to. Most who don't get jobs are looking for part-time of flexible jobs, which are notoriously difficult to find."
There are a few catches: the biggest one being that some moms did take a salary hit when they initially went back to work. In addition, Steiner notes that those moms returning to work within 10 years had the best luck finding a position.
Steiner wonders why this "myth" continues about finding work after a career as a stay-at-home mom. She wonders outloud if it's partly our American emphasis on paid labor - and the devaluation of a stay-at-home moms job since she's technically unpaid. More disturbing, Steiner wonders if it's because the working community is setting the agenda since we have the collective "microphone."
"However, part of the answer -- and not a pretty part -- may lie in the fact that working moms (and dads) hold the pens and the microphones, and therefore we control the messages. Stay-at-home moms are, by definition, not writing books, producing tv shows, or writing many newspaper articles; they're home serving chicken fingers instead of anchoring the nightly news. With the exception of the pervasive, vocal, increasingly powerful mommy blogs, stay-at-home moms' public voices are inadvertently, and unfairly, silenced by their decisions to stay home."
Be sure to check out Steiner's complete article. Her summary is a creed all women might do well to adopt:
"Beneath the surface of the "mommy war" between working and at-home mothers lies each woman's inner mommy war, an endless mental debate over whether we've made the right choices about how we juggle work and family. Now that women's advances at work and at home have increased our options, the challenge for each woman with a bona fide choice is to feel good about her decision - without condemning, or silencing, other women who make different ones."
by Jessica
Our local newspaper, the South Bend Tribune, ran an article about "Super Moms" and why the lifestyle can drive a person into overload.
Super Moms, or Alpha Moms as they are referred to in the article, are overachievers. They dedicate their time to their job, husband, children, etc and leave very little time for themselves. Alpha Moms/Super Moms are strong women who feel they can have or do it all. Juggling home life, work and social responsibilities keeps the Alpha Moms on their toes.
While Alpha Moms are out there, Beta Moms are slowing growing in numbers. Beta Moms, also referred to as Slacker Moms, are the Moms who tend to forget a child's doctor's appointment, or a gift for a party. While this is not necessarily bad parenting, it is viewed by experts as a more relaxed way of parenting.
Experts feel that children of Alpha Moms are pushed more and children of Beta Mom's are not involved enough.
Experts are urging moms to shift gears, kick back and take some time for themselves. They also suggest moms should understand the drive behind the need to do it all. The experts stress above all else that you have to be happy in what you are doing.
How do you view the Alpha/Beta Mom scenario? Do you see yourself as an Alpha or Beta Mom? If you are an Alpha Mom, are you happy with how you are? If you are a Beta Mom, are you happy with how you are? Do you think you need to make the suggested changes?
by Amy
Is there such a thing as the "Mommy Wars?" Although we've heard a lot about this topic in recent months, truth is, it's been a popular debate for years. For those of us relatively new to the debate, it feels hot and heavy. Talk show hosts like to put working moms on one side, stay-at-home moms on the other and see who comes out on top.
But what if the "War" is really only a media construct? A marketing-pyramid-scheme of sorts to sell books, to generate sales, to keep things interesting? In "The Mommy War Machine" as printed in the Washington Post on April 29, writer E.J. Graff exposes the potential dark secret of the "War."
"You see the magazine illustration: two women glaring at each other, about to take a swing with their satchels -- one a briefcase, the other a diaper bag. And you know right away what's coming: another "Mommy Wars" story, a juicy tale of mothers who work and moms who stay home, dissing each other on playgrounds and in school parking lots with junior-high-level bile.
But I've got news for you: This is a war that isn't.
The ballyhooed Mommy Wars exist mainly in the minds -- and the marketing machines -- of the media and publishing industry, which have been churning out mom vs. mom news flashes since, believe it or not, the 1950s. All while the number of working mothers has been rising.
Here are the facts: Since 2000, the percentage of working mothers with infants has held steady at 53.5 percent, according to a February report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. When they can afford it, married women with infants take maternity leaves of a year or so, but then head steadily back to work: 75 percent of mothers with school-age children are on the job. Most work because they have to. And most of their stay-at-home peers don't hold it against them.
But that doesn't stop the media machine. Whether or not William Randolph Hearst ever really said "You supply the pictures, I'll supply the war," everyone knows that a war, any war, is good for the news business. The Mommy Wars sell newspapers, magazines, TV shows and radio broadcasts, as mothers everywhere seize on the subject and agonize, in spite of themselves."
Be sure to read the entire piece - it's a well-crafted and important piece for all moms. And more importantly, it backs up what we've seen here - that although there are certainly individual women who would rather judge than be understanding - on the whole, women are all just trying to do what works best for them. But that's not nearly as quotable or interesting as a good old-fashioned cat fight!
by Jessica
According to this article from MSN.com Careers, "Three-in-ten working mothers say they are having difficulty
balancing professional and personal commitments, according to
CareerBuilder.com's "Career Moms 2005" survey. With the advent of
BlackBerrys, cell phones and laptops, the definitive line dividing
office and home has become as obsolete as the manual typewriter."
Finding that magic balance between work and home is often the subject of the day around here. The article also includes some good tips for working moms. Perhaps the best one? Be honest with yourself about what you can handle.
What day-to-day things help you manage your busy schedule? Do you use an electronic organizer? Keep lists everywhere? Make appointments to catch up with friends while driving to daycare to pick up the little ones?
by Amy S.
I'm late to the game but had to draw attention to Charlene's "JobMom" post about being a "Slash/Mom." We've covered the work-from-home angle several times and the resounding issue seems to be having the self-discipline to get work done outside the office and overriding the common co-worker myth that those of us working at home are slackers.
Charlene says:
"But the underlying assumption was that if my co-workers discovered I was working at home with my baby in tow, I'd never be able to work at home again. Despite the fact that I was getting the job done and then some.
The funny thing is that years later, after talking with more mom co-workers or mom friends, I found out just how common type of "incognito" work-at-home situation was in the workplace. A working mom version of don't ask/don't tell.' "
Several of you commented the last time we talked about working from home. Some of you honestly said you didn't have the discipline to work from home, others felt like there was a stigma attached at your office about working at home. Now Charlene gives us another layer of that stigma - the working mom at home. So moms who work at home often go "under cover" as she says.
Last time I wrote, I talked about how I feel lucky that my workplace has been so flexible and accepting of my work-at-home status. I work at home two days a week as a full-time web content manager - I'm in the office the other three days. Since I wrote that post, I've thought more about how I'm perceived at my workplace. I do think there are probably some people in the workplace who really don't understand the whole work-at-home thing. And probably a few who do think I work less than they do since they don't "see" me working all the time.
Charlene's piece helped me examine my "covert" work-at-home status. I am cautious about revealing "too much" about working at home to co-workers I don't know as well - particularly outside my department. I recently kept my daughter home from school because she was sick. It was on a day I was already scheduled to work at home. I chose to email only a couple of co-workers (including my boss) to let them know versus sending a broader "announcement" of my situation. I guess I really don't trust everyone to accept that I can get a full day's work in when my daughter is home with me.
Ironically, I think I work harder because I am determined to fight any stigma attached to being a working mother who works from home two days a week. I think back to the carefree days before my daughter was born and I am sure I get as much work done, if not more. And yet, I still don't "advertise" that occasionally I pick my daughter up an hour or two early from preschool and bring her home while I finish up my work-at-home day. I think part of being a working mom in general, and a work-at-home mom specifically, is the subtle battle of the perception that goes along with it.
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