Work It: a blog for Working Moms

Four Letter Words

By Jenny

I am and always have been a swearer. I know it’s not ladylike, I know it isn’t professional. I try to keep it out of  the workplace. But the truth is, I love to cuss. I love to drop the F bomb and the S word is just a natural part of my vocabulary. I’ve tried to quit cussing in the past, but the way I always looked at it, life is short and if it makes me happy to use some lesser words, then that’s what I’m going to do.

Maybe it's the rebel in me that I rarely let loose. Maybe this is my little bit of anarchy.

But of all the situations where it would be most appropriate to keep a lid on it, I’ve failed in this one. I’ve taught my 3-year-old daughter the S word. Through example, I’ve taught her how to pronounce it with gusto, when to use it appropriately and to not really apologize for it. Just like me. And it’s awful. OK, really, it’s cute. It’s adorable when she’s working on something that frustrates her and she says the word. And she says it like she means it, and she knows exactly what it means. But it's not appropriate, and I'm trying to correct it.

After my daughter got the lecture and the word to use as a supplement – I went with “poop” and “shoot” – she agreed. But I’ve heard it coming out before she can stop it. I wonder if she’s doing it intentionally, or if she’s already trained herself. It’s going to be a tough habit to break – for both of us.

Are you responsible for a bad habit in your kids? How did you break their bad habits?

Ferocious Fours - part deux

By Laura L.

Somewhere on this site there is a post about a four-year-old girl pushing her mother to try new levels of punishment. I wrote that one. It's about my oldest who is now (finally) a likable person again. Unfortunately for all of us, the 18 month difference between my girls means that the calming of the oldest marks the descent into madness for the youngest.

If you've known me long enough you may remember my relief and joy that my sweet second child was a quiet newborn, a quiet infant, and an introverted toddler. There were a few months of worry that she may never talk, but she was just a bit behind. Truthfully as much as her big sis talks we all have to find a place to fit two words in. Regardless, she is/has been different in so many ways - one would dare use "easy baby" - that I hoped this phase would follow suit. Julia turned 4 in February and it is different. She is making up for lost time.

This back-to-back fourness has worn my nerves and shredded my patience, but she is definitely worse. The tantrums are bigger and badder. I have yet to find a punishment that seems to affect her in any way other than a temporary slow down of her total annihilation of the house. Also we describe her whiney voice as the dog whistle. The pitch and shriekiness of it makes me (and the dog) mental. She's become a picky eater, has decided peeing in the toilet is optional and likes to find the tallest point in every room and jump from it.

The one positive I hang onto? Like every other part of parenting the second kid, I know it will end. The fear that I may never like to be in her company again isn't floating just beneath the surface of my "It's just a phase" mantra. It really is just a phase. I know it as opposed to hoping it. By this time next year we'll be on the other side of it. And - if she changes as much as her sister - all signs of baby will be gone and I'll have two big kids.

Still, keep a mattress-covered room on order for me, I have a feeling back-to-back fourteens will be my undoing.

What has been the most challenging age to you as a parent?

Spring Pleasures

by Jenny

For her bedtime stories, my daughter and I have been reading from a book of poetry she received as a gift. She's only three, so it's not like there's any deep significance behind our perusal, but she really seems to enjoy the poems. It's made me enjoy them so much more than I ever remember back in high school English class.

In celebration of spring and the blooming bulbs in my yard and all over, I thought I would offer up this lovely poem.

"Daffodils" (1804)

I wantered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the Milky Way,

They stretch'd in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

By William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

Hannah Montana made me cry

by Amy S.

You wouldn't have caught me at the first week opening of the Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds Concert movie. But since it's been playing now for weeks (so much for that one-week run, eh?), I decided to take my 5-year-old daughter to it recently. She's a little young and doesn't actually watch the TV show much, but I figured she'd enjoy it. And hey, it's in 3D. And yes, maybe I was a little excited about it, too. I'm a pop-music junky.

The truth is, it was really cool. The little girls in the audience (which was small and tame, just my type of audience) kept reaching their hands out to "touch things" for the first few minutes of the movie - the 3D effect definitely added a lot. (And the glasses were much cooler than the old red/blue things we used to have to wear.) A girl behind us who looked to be around seven or eight knew every lyric and sang along the whole time in a very sweet girly voice.

My daughter was most excited about the songs she knew - which were about two of them - but she enjoyed the whole movie. At about an hour long, it's just right - although I hate to say it, she was fading during the two Jonas Brothers songs. She was right back in it again when Miley showed up. I actually got teary-eyed several times. I know my daughter is about to hit that age where she will worship the ground older girls walk on. It's already happening. And it was nice to sit with her, dance with her and share an appreciation for this performer, who does seem to make a point of keeping things real and age-appropriate.

Martin Luther King Day - For Kids

by Amy S.

We buy a $3 large, hang-up style calendar from OfficeMax every year and hang it on the back of Olivia's door. We started last year when she was four to count days until special holidays, birthdays, etc. This year it's become even more educational, as she can now recognize the words "No School" - and she gets giggly and does the "no school" dance.

This morning she read "No School" for tomorrow's date and then proceeded to tell me, "It's Martin Luther King Day tomorrow. We should light a candle in his honor."

Just another moment in which I silently thank her incredibly wonderful preschool teachers, including the new one she has now. It made me think about how easy it can be to overlook "teachable moments." I'm not sure I would have really taken the time to explain to her at age five, who Martin Luther King, Jr., is and why he's so important. But obviously they've been doing some of it at school, so she's ready.

I found a couple of Web sites that provide age-appropriate lessons to review on Martin Luther King Day. So we'll spend some time tomorrow talking about him and at least introducing the concepts that we can build on as she gets older. And we will also light a candle in his honor.

Gifts for the Teachers and the rest of the world...

by Amy W.

I know we have discussed this before on this site.

But it is killing my wallet this year.

We have two kids in daycare. They each have two teachers, a floater teacher, as well as a cook, receptionist, director, and an owner.

Do you see the dilemma with my wallet?

Don't get me wrong, the teachers (as well as the cook, receptionist and all the employees at their daycare) are fabulous and deserve every bit of every gift they receive this year. It shows in that my four year is beginning to read, and is excited about it.

So the gift cards have been purchased, cute ornaments bought for the receptionist and owner...

But is that where we end? In previous years, we have given to the mail carrier. Come rain or lack of rain in our area, our mail is delivered. But this year, the mail carrier broke our mailbox shoving our mail in. And is a giftcard what they want? What is the appropriate amount?

And garbage collectors? I have heard before of people leaving six pack of beers or other items for them. Is that what they want?

And don't even get me started on coworkers. I had my boss tell me she purchased my gift months ago. What in the heck do I get her??

Gotta love the holidays...

A Very Important Part of Hanukkah

by Coletta

I believe that my son is the only Jewish child in his Pre-school class of 12 kids. I am anticipating that a friend or a teacher may ask him questions about the holiday...and, in preparation for this, I asked my son why we celebrate Hanukkah. Now, my son is three and rather free spirited but I was still disappointed when his answer was "for presents!" I promptly explained that Hanukkah was a celebration of the miracle of the lasting oil and that we celebrated God's power to give us light. Then I asked Morgan again. "What is the meaning of Hanukkah?"  Morgan responded, "MOM...presents are very, very, very important." 

He's right.They are. 

I spend most of the holiday season shopping, stressing about shopping or making a list of what to shop for. It doesn't help that we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas so Morgan will be getting gifts in some form for 2 weeks.

When I told my husband about my discussion with our son he was adamant about concentrating on one of the other big Hanukkah traditions, charity. So each night, after we light the menorah we find change to put in the tzedakah box. We also picked out a gift for the Angel tree at school. I am very happy that we are doing this. But I have a feeling that, for him to really understand charity, we, as a family, will have to do more. This holiday season I am on the lookout for opportunities for us to be generous and give not only from our wallets but also our talents and time. I honestly believe that it is better to give than to receive and the sooner my son learns this, the richer his life will be. I am also hoping to get all of my holiday shopping completed early this week so that my evenings will be free to spend time with my son, do projects, bake cookies, watch holiday specials and visit with friends, I want to show him good examples of the MOST important reasons for the season. 

My Little Leftie

By JenMarie

My oldest started preschool recently, prior to that we had her (and her brother) in a home-based daycare that had no structure but a very loving environment. Sydney is four and a half so she will start kindergarten next year. We wanted her to have a full year of learning in a more structured environment before she went to school.

Since starting about a month ago, we have seen a dramatic increase in so many areas, most notably her writing. Sydney is left-handed and my husband and I both right handed, so we struggled teaching her to write. We both tried to show her from a left-handed perspective but that got us nowhere She mainly struggled with her ‘S’s’ and ‘Y’s’ (being named Sydney wasn’t helping her cause either) often writing them backwards.

Of all the information we provided to the preschool I totally forgot to mention she was left-handed, of course they figured it out within a few minutes on her first day. I was very surprised and happy to learn that there were other kids her age who are also left-handed and her teacher’s son is a leftie.

In the month she has been attending preschool she has mastered writing and identifying her name. She now proudly writes her name on any worksheets or craft items she creates. We are so proud of her progress!

We’ve never made a big deal out of her being left handed but now that she sees so many other kids she notices the difference. At times it has upset her that she is different, we try to be encouraging telling her how special it is to be left handed. She asks if daddy or I are left handed, if her brother is left handed (no) and then will demand to know who is left handed. Since she's only four, I think most pop culture or historical figures wouldn't be helpful, I’d love to point out a left-handed cartoon or kid show character.

Are you a lefty? Kids that are southpaws? Anyone know of any kid-friendly lefties?

More info for left-handed children.

Pariah of the Playgroup!

by Cindy

We all know, of or have been victims of, the playgroup disease trackers.

If you have not heard of this new phenomenon (new to me, anyway), let me fill you in. Let's say Johnny and Susie and Dominic are playing together, and the next day Dominic develops a runny nose. Well, since Dominic's house is antiseptically cleaned on a 4-hour rotation 6 times a day, and they only consume probiotic foods, those pesky germs could not have spawned from their house. So, Dom's clever mommy breaks into CSI: Cold and Virus.

Susie did look a little too pale, and Johnny, well they have pets, and it is well known that domesticated and vaccinated cats and dogs can bring the world to a screeching halt! Think Salem Witch trials, but in your neighborhood, and the "witch" in this case is the cold-carrying child. I am happy to report (being a teacher and parent) that I realized from early on that germs, colds, bugs happen - that's life.

I have not tracked down the fire starter child, who spread the herpes zoster virus (chicken pox) around like salt on an iced sidewalk, or chicken feed in the middle of a pack of starving hens. Instead, I accept that this is how viruses live and mutate, and this is indeed part of life and childhood. I reinforce hand washing, the use of tissues instead of sleeves, and remind the girls to not share hairbrushes,tooth brushes or chewing gum. I refuse to be a disease tracker, a member of the CSI Special Victims Unit that tracks throat infections, stomach bugs and mild fever. I try to remember that all of us mothers are doing the best we can. Slowly infecting the playgroups one child at a time.

In the News: Baby DVDs

by Amy W.

When my oldest was an infant, we received the whole collection of the Baby Einstein DVDs as a present. I thought, great, educational and set to really cool music (in my classical music mind).

Ashley watched one of those DVDs, Baby Bethoveen, every evening for about six months. It was the only way my husband and I could have 20 minutes to eat our dinner. Once Ashley started joining us at the table, we stopped watching them.

Every once in a while now Ashley will pick out one of those DVDs in the van to watch to appease her younger sister who doesn't quite get the endless episodes of the Backyardigans. And I always think in the back of my mind, at least it is educational.

Well, now the latest report in the Journal of Pediatrics is that these baby DVDs actual do more harm than good. And honestly, is this going to stop me from putting the videos in the DVD player? Probably not, although I no longer have an infant, I have a toddler and a preschooler, but still. I think the music is great, the images have my toddler yelling out "Moo" or "Bark" when she sees a dog or a cow on the screen.

We all know TV is bad, we hear it on the news all the time. Restrict TV watching in your children, and your child will grow up to be the next president. I think in moderation, TV can spark imagination. And at this point, when Ashley has a question about something that has happened in an episode of her favorite episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it sparks learning as well.

In my analytical mind, I am wondering about the 1,000 babies studied in this study. How much did the parents talk to them? How much interaction with older siblings did they get? How many books were read to them on a daily basis? These might not add up to much, but I think variations in these variables would definitely produce differing results.

I don't think this report will slow down the sales of Baby Einstein videos, what do you think? How do you handle television time in your house?