Work It: a blog for Working Moms

Pariah of the Playgroup!

by Cindy

We all know, of or have been victims of, the playgroup disease trackers.

If you have not heard of this new phenomenon (new to me, anyway), let me fill you in. Let's say Johnny and Susie and Dominic are playing together, and the next day Dominic develops a runny nose. Well, since Dominic's house is antiseptically cleaned on a 4-hour rotation 6 times a day, and they only consume probiotic foods, those pesky germs could not have spawned from their house. So, Dom's clever mommy breaks into CSI: Cold and Virus.

Susie did look a little too pale, and Johnny, well they have pets, and it is well known that domesticated and vaccinated cats and dogs can bring the world to a screeching halt! Think Salem Witch trials, but in your neighborhood, and the "witch" in this case is the cold-carrying child. I am happy to report (being a teacher and parent) that I realized from early on that germs, colds, bugs happen - that's life.

I have not tracked down the fire starter child, who spread the herpes zoster virus (chicken pox) around like salt on an iced sidewalk, or chicken feed in the middle of a pack of starving hens. Instead, I accept that this is how viruses live and mutate, and this is indeed part of life and childhood. I reinforce hand washing, the use of tissues instead of sleeves, and remind the girls to not share hairbrushes,tooth brushes or chewing gum. I refuse to be a disease tracker, a member of the CSI Special Victims Unit that tracks throat infections, stomach bugs and mild fever. I try to remember that all of us mothers are doing the best we can. Slowly infecting the playgroups one child at a time.

Working with Sick Kids

by Marijean

We've all done it; had to hand over a sick child to someone else to care for while we went to work. Sometimes it was just the sniffles or, worse, a slight fever we hoped would disappear before the end of the day, or at least go undetected until we could get home. My kids never seemed to get sick on a weekend, or on my day off and in previous less family-friendly jobs, taking off to care for a sick child was discouraged.

When I was a much younger working mom, I had a boss who was decidedly not the best for working moms. His understanding of what his largely female workforce endured to work under inflexible conditions was limited. As a father, his wife stayed at home and had a nanny to help when the kids were young. As a child, he was raised with help as well. He, while employing a high percentage of working moms, personally believed that mothers should stay home with their children. Knowing that, I should have been forewarned that the work environment would not be a friendly one.

Most memorable was the morning my daughter, then about two years old, was sick to her stomach. I knew I still needed to get work done and, weighing my options, decided to pack my poor little girl into the backseat with a towel and a bowl (just in case) and make my 45 minute commute to pick up work to do at home. I was weakened by desperation to, in my mind, keep my job and take care of my daughter simultaneously. Halfway through the drive I had to pull over because my daughter was throwing up in the backseat. I thought, "What on earth am I doing? This is ridiculous," and finally turned around for home. When I called the office to tell them I wouldn't be in but they could e-mail me this or that to work on at home, my immediate supervisor relayed a message from the big boss. He'd told her that I needed to find someone to watch my kids when they were sick and "get my ass into work."

I don't, in retrospect, know why I didn't quit on the spot. The whole scenario upset me so much that it became one of the top reasons on the list I left that job, sadly, a few years later.

Sometimes priorities go askew and it's hard to know when work absolutely has to take a backseat, but when kids are sick, they must come first.

Yesterday, a colleague of mine e-mailed the office to say her young daughter was sick and she'd be taking her to the doctor in the morning and check in later in the day to keep on top of what was going on. I immediately responded to remind her that sick kids come first, a message I want to needlepoint on pillows and deliver to every working mom I know. Today, I'm fortunate to work at home so a sick kid means I might have to take, at worst, half a day off to take them to the doctor, but they're old enough now that the attention they needed when they were small is no longer necessary.

I may have had to learn this lesson the hard way, but I'm determined to look out for younger working moms so they never have to experience what I did.

What do you do when your kids are sick, and you must work? How about your employer? Is there a policy in place? 

Functioning after a rough (kid) night

by Jennifer

Cullen has always been an easy teether. He's got eight regular teeth and four molars. For all of them, red cheeks, buckets of drool and finger-chomping were the worst of it. But that all ended with the latest round. I can't see the new teeth yet, but I can feel Cullen's pain... at least the part of me that can feel anything on just a few hours of sleep feels his pain.

Last night, my excellent sleeper and easy teether was a puddle of tears--a clingy, red-cheeked, frown-wearing, whimpering puddle. Numerous trips to his crib to comfort him didn't help. Even when he's sick, a quick trip to pat him on his back and a softly-sung song has done the trick. So, finally, at 5 a.m., I brought Cullen into my room (something that's happened only a handful of times since he was born) and lodged him between my husband and me. Cullen immediately folded himself into my arm and slept peacefully for about 45 minutes while I worried about squishing him. Then he was ready to get up and start the day an hour earlier than usual, the pain of the night not nearly as bad.

Now, after seven hours at work, I've had four cups of coffee and two trips outside for fresh air. But I'm still having trouble functioning. And I need to function. It's the last two days of the monthly close at the magazine I work for and two pieces I am editing need to make it through the process. It's not one of those times when I can fake it or go home at a reasonable hour. I need to be sharp. I'm just not sure how to do it on three hours of quasi-sleep.

How do you function after a rough night with your children?

When the Kids Are Sick

By Amy W.

 

Earlier this month, I had a 3-year-old with pneumonia and an almost 1-year-old with a double ear infection and RSV. Both were out of daycare for an entire week. Juggling sick kids is something I just have to deal with as a working mom. But the week my kids were sick was a horrible week to be absent from work for both my husband and me.

We shared a couple of days at home and then desperation hit. For starters, we were exhausted. Neither child was sleeping at night. Getting the 3-year-old to take her medicine was a mental challenge each and every time. By the time I spoke to my mom on Wednesday of that week, she knew she had to come help. So took leave from her job, drove three hours from Virginia to North Carolina, and kept two sick kids at home for two days. She even got up at night with them. We don’t know what we would have done without her.

 

Which got me thinking, what do others Moms do that don’t have family that can come to the rescue and have to work? One option would be (if their employer allowed it) to take the sick kids to work. My husband has done this on one occasion with my 3-year-old. He was in the office for a brief amount of time. She had a cold and a slight fever. But what about the kids who are much sicker? I would not want to drag them to an office all day.

 

Another option is the daycare centers that actually allow sick children. A quick search of the Internet found that there are about 300 of these centers across the U.S., and most are connected to hospitals. They staff nurses that take temperatures and let the kids do quiet activities. I work for a health system, and we don’t have one of these centers.

 

A third option is having back-up childcare, such as a neighbor or friend that is willing to take the kids when they are sick. That person would have to be willing to take a child on short notice and clear their schedule as well.

 

I know there are single moms out there with no options available to them. My heart goes out to them. For me, I am lucky enough to have an employer who understands families and a husband with a flexible work schedule.

 

What do you do when you have sick kids at home?

Priorities and sacrifices

By Penny

Sometimes it is so impossible to decide where to put your priorities. When in doubt, “it’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease” they say. What if all the wheels in the world squeak at once?

I’ve been bumbling through two weeks of having to choose between crises at work and in my son’s health. To quote another cliché: “When it rains, it pours.” What’s left out of that cliché is that when it pours, there’s often a flood, and many things may be damaged beyond repair.

I came down with a cold which was innocent enough. I was sick enough that I stayed home from work the following day, and happily returned to work the day after that.

The moment I walked into the building where I work, my phone rang. “Daycare here: Evan’s throwing up. Come get ‘em.” Another unexpected day off.

Then the battle starts. Evan’s got to stay home the next day, too, and my husband is reluctant to take a day off of work. Thankfully, he did and I went to work.

The weekend comes. Evan doesn’t improve. He won’t eat.

Monday arrives. I’ve taken Evan to the doctor. He’s got ear infections again. Maybe he can go back to daycare on Tuesday. I hope so, because I really need to be at work!

Tuesday morning starts with Evan screaming in pain. I can’t make myself take him to daycare, but I also have appointments at work. I’ve already missed three of the last four work days, but my husband is adamant that he can’t miss work either. I cancel my appointments with hasty apologies and settle in for another day with my son.

Then I get a message from the boss. Because I was already stressed out, what I read was ‘you need to choose between your son and your job.’ (The message was not remotely as bad as this, but a highly emotional state can change your perception of anything.) I got Evan up from his nap, took him to daycare, and went to work, hoping that: 1) Evan didn’t get sent home again; 2) Evan would forgive me; and 3) I haven’t somehow cost myself my job. I spent the whole work day despondent but productive. Evan did fine at daycare. My boss apologized for having scared me, saying that the message was never meant as an ultimatum.

Things are getting back to normal now, but I’m still reeling. Was there anything else I could have done?

Of head colds and ear infections

By Penny

You’d think that after almost a year of this, I could tell the difference between a runny-nose-and-congested baby and one who has a full-blown ear infection. I thought I read somewhere that moms could just tell by the way their child cries what the deal is. And, somehow, I always thought that babies and kids could get sick with absolutely no effect on their parents.

Whatever.

Evan’s had a few ear infections thus far. The good news is that he really likes the taste of the Amoxicillin he gets. The bad news is two-fold: Mommy’s allergic to Amoxicillin, and Amoxicillin doesn’t always take care of the nasty ear infection.

I was pretty sure that Evan was coming down with a cold on Thursday. By Friday, it was obviously a BAD cold, but Evan was in such good spirits, he just couldn’t be THAT sick. And with a little cleaning up, he was good as new. So I attended to my day as always.

By Saturday night, it was clear that I was coming down with Evan’s cold. Now I was just SURE that Evan couldn’t give me a cold. Isn’t there a rule? Evan himself was a little rough looking so we made the call to the pediatrician that we probably should have made the day before. They said to call in the morning if he didn’t improve.

Ev must have heard that, ‘cause the next day he looked remarkably better. Still coughing, a little feverish, but much improved. I, on the other hand, was not doing so hot. Or maybe I was doing too hot – I felt horrible.

I stayed home on Monday, because I was deliriously sick. I took Evan to daycare – his temperature was normal and he was in good spirits – thinking that I could recuperate at home alone. At about 2:00 pm, I got the phone call that I had been expecting all day: “Evan’s running a fever. Please come get him. He can’t come in tomorrow. Bye now.”

Why can’t kids be sick on a more convenient schedule – like when I’m NOT sick?

Thankfully, we are all healthy again. Evan had infections in BOTH ears, which are now cleared up. (Always trust your instincts and take the baby to the doctor!!) And in the end, Ev managed to give his cold to both Mommy AND Daddy. Is that allowed? I gotta read that rulebook again!

How do you handle childhood sickness or Mommy sickness?